


We Flipped a Coin

by amythis



Category: Laverne & Shirley (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-12-27 08:41:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21115922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amythis/pseuds/amythis
Summary: Lenny looks back on when he leaped.





	We Flipped a Coin

Forty years ago today, I coughed and went over to the card table in my first apartment. "Uh, Squig, I've been thinking about Laverne's problem."

My oldest friend looked up from his moth collection. "Yeah, I'm not so sure it's funny anymore."

We'd joked about her "puppies" but that was when we first found out and it hadn't sunk in.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"Sure, Laverne was a drunken bimbo, but everybody makes mistakes, and why should a poor little innocent baby suffer for it?"

That wasn't what I meant, but instead of explaining, I sat down at the table and said, "I think the baby needs a father."

"Uh, Lenny, remember hygiene class? Every baby has a father."

"No, I mean a father in his life. Or hers."

"Well, Laverne's not even sure who the guy in the vat was, so how's she gonna get him to act like a father?"

"No, I mean some other guy could act like a father."

"You think Laverne should give the baby up for adoption?"

I shook my head. "I think somebody should marry Laverne."

"Oh! And we are her best guy friends."

"Exactly."

"OK, I'll talk to the Fonz and you talk to the cop."

"You want Laverne arrested for getting pregnant in a Shotz vat?"

"One of the guys Laverne has gone out with more than twice is that fat cop."

"Officer Norman Hughes." I knew the names of every guy Laverne dated or wanted to date since high school, including her crush Jerry Callahan, the writer who lived in the apartment below me and Squiggy. "And he's more chubby than fat."

"His poundage asides, he's got a good job and Laverne's got him wrapped around her ring finger. He'll make a good husband and father."

I could imagine it. He'd be devoted to her and the baby. But he'd never really understand the silly side of her or the rebel side.

Thinking of rebels made me ask, "Why are you gonna talk to the Fonz?"

"They've gone out a bunch of times and he likes her. Also, he's Italian, so that would make Mr. DeFazio happy."

Arthur Fonzarelli was passionate, fun, and loyal. He would make a different kind of good husband and father. But there was one big problem.

"The Fonz isn't gonna wanna give up all his other chicks to get married, unless he was in love, which he ain't."

"Well, that's why you need to talk to the chubby cop, too. For back up."

"I was thinking, maybe she should marry one of us, since we're her best guy friends."

"But we're almost as big swingers as Fonzie."

"Don't you want her baby to have a last name?"

"That would be sad, the poor little guy not getting any mail."

"Yeah, and Kosnowski's a pretty good name."

"So's Squiggman."

Yes, but it didn't mean anything special in Polish. (He'd once told me it was "man of squigg" in German.)

"OK, we'll flip a coin to decide which one of us is gonna volunteer to be her husband."

That wasn't what I intended. I was willing to volunteer without the coin choosing me. But I was afraid to say that because I didn't want Squiggy to tease me about being sweet on Laverne.

I reached into the front pocket of my jeans and took out my lucky Buffalo nickel. My dad had it in his jacket pocket, all new and shiny then, the morning he married my mom. (By the time she left us, they'd stopped making Buffalo nickels.)

I handed it to Squiggy and said, "I call heads. You flip it." If we were leaving this up to Fate, then I didn't want to blow it by flipping wrong.

"OK, then I've got tails," he said as he flipped the nickel into the air. It caught the light from the bare bulb on the ceiling and for a moment it was shiny again. Then it landed in my best friend's palm, dull and faded. The coin, not his hand. "Oh, it's heads."

"Really?" I tried not to sound too eager. Then I looked more closely at his open hand. "Squiggy, that's the buffalo."

"Yeah, and he's got a big head on him, like a glass of Shotz."

"He's the tails. See, he's got a tail."

"And a head," Squiggy insisted.

"Yeah, but the Indian is the heads."

"Indian?" He turned over the nickel and looked at it. "Oh."

I decided to be a good sport about it. "Congratulations, Squig. I guess the best man won."

"I'm going to marry Laverne?" He sounded stunned, not that I blamed him.

"Yeah, let me know if you need any help, like getting a tuxedo or a baby carriage."

"Thanks. Maybe you could talk to Shirley."

"About the wedding?" She'd be maid of honor and I'd be the best man who didn't win.

"No, I mean maybe you can break the news to her."

"Shouldn't she hear it from Laverne?"

"Laverne's gonna be so filled with joyful eczema that it'll upset poor Shirl even more. She can cry on your shoulder, if you stoop."

"But why would Shirley be upset about her best friend getting married?"

"Don't be stupid. You know she's always had a little crush on me."

I hadn't known that, but I was less aware of Shirley's crushes than Laverne's. It made sense when he said it though, because in those days I thought of Squiggy as a ladies' man, while I was more likely to ask him, "Has she got a friend for me?" than to ask a girl to go out with me.

"Whatever you want, Squig."

"Gee, me married to Laverne! Can you imagine it?"

I could. I pictured them eating in the break room, lunches that she packed for them and he'd criticize. Then they'd fight and Shirley and I would have to make peace. Or maybe they'd bill and coo like honeymooners, not the Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows kind. And I'd have to watch that, too. Eventually, she'd be too pregnant to work, and she'd stay home. Maybe Squiggy would himself get her pregnant a few times.

I stopped my imagination and said, "Uh, just to be fair, maybe we should do best two out of three."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, marriage is a lifetime commitment. You should look before you leap."

He nodded and handed me back my nickel. "Your turn."

My Fate was now in my own hand. I wasn't sure if I wanted that responsibility, but I knew that taking care of Laverne and her baby would be a much bigger responsibility.

I flipped the nickel with my fingers rather than tossing it like Squiggy had. I caught it and slapped it down onto the back of my other hand.

"Heads," I breathed, as the Indian and I stared at each other.

"Yeah?" Squiggy sounded only mildly curious, as if all our lives weren't going to change at the next flip. Or maybe he guessed that if I lost the next toss, I'd suggest best three out of five. "You wanna go again?"

I hesitated, feeling like I was already pushing my luck enough as it was. "Nah, it's your turn." I gave him the nickel again.

He nodded and flipped it quickly and simply, so there wasn't any suspense. "Heads! Congranulations!" He handed the nickel back to me before I could look at it.

"Thank you," I whispered, unable to believe it.

"You should put on a jacket and tie if you're gonna propose."

I nodded, got up, and found my long, blue tie. Then I grabbed my red jacket, remembering how I first kissed Laverne after she changed "one wolf" to "lone wolf" with her lovely L. Would she kiss me when I proposed, or would she shoot me down? I put the nickel in the left pocket, so I could touch it for good luck and reassurance.

Squiggy seemed to sense my nervousness, because he offered, "I'll walk you down and then invite Shirley for a walk, so you two can have some privateness."

When we left, I expected to come back engaged although not in love. Instead, it was the opposite, as Laverne's gentle, sensible rejection began the process of turning my mild if long-lasting crush into something deeper and stronger. By the time, a few months later, she ended a pity double date with the most incredible kiss of my early 20s, I had fallen hard.

I proposed to Laverne a few more times over the next decade, the last time the next time she was possibly pregnant. I had my lucky nickel with me each time, hoping that its luck would eventually pay off. I won't tell my oldest son all this when I give him the coin, now so worn that the buffalo looks like a shaggy dog, before he proposes to his live-in girlfriend, Fabiana Meeney. Frankie Kosnowski doesn't believe in Fate.


End file.
